Life of a Student Doctor's Wife

Within the last year I have become known as the golden retriever. I’m honestly not sure where it started but at some point people started describing me as a golden retriever.

“Yeah Morgan you’re totally like a golden retriever! You just are happy to meet people and go do things.”

Well, they’re not wrong. I love to be around people! So right away when this started I was pumped because who doesn’t like a golden retriever? Then one day another person said to me, “we’re different because I prefer to make deep personal connections with friends and you seem to be ok with surface level connections.”

They’re also not wrong about that. Again, I wasn’t really bothered by either statement until recently. I started to realize that I focus so much on the fact that I could be making another cross country move in a year that I’m not focusing on fostering deep relationships with my friends. Instead, I think I am preparing myself for the potential move by keeping a barrier up. It’s easier to move when you aren’t really super sad about who you’re leaving behind, right?

Of course if  we moved I would miss my girls, my job, and my coworkers. But, I’ve kept up enough of a barrier that I would be able to move on and start again. To me, this is kind of a double edge sword. On one side, my ability to quickly get to know people and establish friendships is helpful when it comes to moving. On the other hand, is it a character flaw? Is it something I need to start fixing now because eventually, we won’t be moving every two years and then wherever we end up, I’ll make friends there.

I first noticed this happening during my senior year of college. I had an awesome group of girls (and I still look up to each of them because they are out in the world doing awesome things!) but I knew I was moving to Virginia that summer and it seemed like the wall was up.

8 months into our time in Virginia we realized we would be moving again but it seemed less difficult because the wall was up so I figured I would be ok. (I was ok until we took a trip with Leanna and Landon and had way too much fun exploring DC. Claire gave me a Virginia coffee cup that I still use everyday but I broke down crying like a fool when I opened.)

Finally, we’ve landed in Idaho and we knew we would be here for 2 years. If this blog post has no other meaning the simple meaning can be that I love my girl group out here. I mean seriously, have you guys seen them? They’re a dream team. They are the most resilient, strong, ambitious, and hard working ladies I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.

After writing, I’ve realized that the relationships I formed maybe weren’t so surface level. I’ve relied on these people for a lot of different things and I think about each of them often. This lifestyle I’ve volunteered to live is way different than what most people expect. Friends help you cope with the craziness that becomes life.

At this point, we are staring down the start of year 2. So, cheers to year 2, may the friendships grow and wine flow; cheers to the Med School Widows!

Last night we watched an episode of a series we’ve been into lately. Afterwards, I heard a phrase that doesn’t even surprise me anymore, “I’m gonna grab a monster and go study for a while.”

I’m pretty sure I have mastered the art of snuggling by myself on a couch and watching  a movie with a large glass of wine. Last night I chose “Couples Retreat”, it’s a movie with Vince Vaughn and a few other people whose names I should know.

Anywho, it came out in 2009 and I am pretty sure I watched it then but really what does a 9th grader know about relationships? So I watched it last night by myself. It was funny and a bit too relatable. One of the couples was talking about their lives and everything that they have going on and how there are two types of things, “her job/events and his job/events” and there isn’t really an overlap.

At that point Mitch emerged from his office and joined me for a few minutes. It kinda hit us both weird because we both knew that that was us. I have my job (that is super time consuming but I wouldn’t have it any other way) and he has his job (med school) that is equally as time consuming.

This led to an interesting converation about doing things that are more about ‘us’ and less about just one of us. It also meant finding ways to do things outside the month of June when we both aren’t working/attending school. It’s an interesting concept to wrap my mind around because I am SO proud of him and the grades he’s pulling in school and I know that he’s getting those grades because of the work he’s putting in.

I also know that the reason I am excelling at my own job is because I dedicate so much time to it, but I feel like I can do that because I know Mitch will be spending that time studying.

What a balance it is to try and be two people who celebrate their own successes but also create a successful life together. This is such an interesting idea to me because we aren’t doing the ‘normal’ things that couples do when they get married. We didn’t buy a house, start having kids, or start exploring the world together.

Instead, we moved across the country twice, got a dog, found careers we’re passionate about and poured our lives into those. But, we’re thankful and I don’t think we would have it any other way.

Last night, we made a big committment–we’re taking 2 trips before clinical rotations start! We’re so excited to be going to Mexico with our friends and traveling somewhere fun just the two of us. While we’re out west we may as well explore, right?

We’re so close to the end of this first years. Cheers, all! We’ve almost made it to summer!

It has been one of those weeks for about 4 weeks. You know what I’m talking about. Having a million things to get done but you stayed up so late the night before doing some of them that you’re exhausted today. Having a meeting at 7am on a Thursday which means leaving for work before 6am. Forgetting to take out the chicken for supper so you end up combing through the cupboard hoping to find something half healthy.

 

4 weeks. That’s an entire month! I’m a teacher and I love my job. Love. Love. Love. Love. However, it keeps me exceptionally busy. On top of being a first year teacher my work load also includes working on various committees, keeping an entire household up and running, and making sure I get a solid 8 hours of sleep a night (ha!). Last year, I wasn’t able to teach. I didn’t have a valid certificate for Virginia when we moved there and they like to take their sweet time finalizing those. So I took a job as an in school suspension supervisor. At the time I didn’t love it but as I’ve worked through this school year I realize just how valuable it was. (Giant THANK YOU to my CMS family!)

All teachers know that the end of a quarter is exceptionally stressful. I was fortunate enough to have a workday on the last day of the quarter and an entire week off after that. I worked SO hard that day. I graded, finalized grades, planned an entire 3 weeks out, and cleaned my classroom. Afterwards, I got on a plane and jetted off to AZ for 5 days with my sister. That’s a whole story of its own……….

When I got back to work this week I knew it was my ‘meeting week’. Somehow, all of the committes I am on that like to meet every other week and all of those meetings are during the same week. It’s rather maddening knowing that before and after school almost every day I have some sort of meeting to attend. I believe in the work that these various groups are doing so I attend each meeting with a smile on my face and a giant cup of coffee in my hand. On Monday I was chatting with some students who started to ask me why I didn’t grade their quiz or their homework or give them a citizenship grade. The panic that set in was immense, I knew I had finished everything but they weren’t seeing it. Sure enough, I went back to check my online gradebook and nothing saved. Nothing.

I spent a few days catching up on 3rd quarter grades while attending meetings and grading work for 4th quarter. Talk about a marathon! That wasn’t the only marathon going on in my life……a couple of my friends (I’m talking about you Lezlie and Kayla) told  me to start watching Game of Thrones and I started staying up way later than I should have to get through ‘just one more episode.’

To add med school happenings to this, Mitch had a midterm on Monday and took Tuesday afternoon to go out with his buddies after spending an entire weekend locked in a library studying. His study schedule coupled with our social calendar and my ‘meeting week’ meant that we didn’t see each other for 36 hours. Sure, we slept in the same bed but I was fast asleep when he went to bed and he was fast asleep when I left the house the next morning. We communicated via text messages and that was totally ok!

Until I started reading them at work. It wasn’t that I wasn’t allowed to read them while working. I am totally swamped while I am at work. I see 150 students throughout the day and I try to teach them how to be good people and major artists of the Renaissance. It’s a lot and my mind can only focus on so many things at once so when I get a text saying “our rent was adjusted, it was their mistake don’t forget to pay tonight.” I quickly read it and carry on.

That message to pay our rent was in my mind for about 3 minutes max. Rent didn’t get paid. Back story: our rent was high by about $60 because of a mistake on our leasing company’s part. I caught it only because I know we shouldn’t pay over a certain amount every month but this month was too high. They fixed it but I didn’t see it reflected immeidately and it fell out of my mind.

Friday evening around 4:50pm we get a piece of paper slid in our door that says we’re late on rent. Oops! It’s not that we can’t pay our rent, it’s just that I forgot. Naturally, a small squabble ensues between the two of us. I know I should have taken care of the rent right away. I always do because I handle all of our finances. But this month it didn’t get done right away. I contacted our leasing company and they were very understanding and had no issue accpeting our payment and forgiving the fee. But there was something bigger that came out of this…….

The realization that a text message isn’t enough for communication between Mitch and myself. While it’s convenient it’s not always the best way to get a reminder across. So what do we do? As I said above, I’m a teacher and that encompasses so much of my personality. Cue in the whiteboard!

People who see it sit on my desk joke about it and make fun of it but it’s seriously a life saver (when I use it, remember the chaos that this month has been?) I update it on the first of every month with all of the activities, tests, meetings, travel and events we have planned. I add in a list of meals, things we need from Melaleuca and Costco, and when the dog needs to get his meds next. But that didn’t happen because it was one of those weeks.

So as we look forward to the week ahead of us I have my whiteboard updated. I have my meals planned, my Costco trip complete, and my Melaleuca order placed. What’s my point?

My point is be organized. Plan, make a list, check it twice, and definitely buy those oreos that you’re craving that aren’t on the list.

Use the whiteboard, fill it up, and pay your rent on time!

 

P.S. Look for a post coming soon about meal planning/prep and alllll the lists I love to make for a week!

My name is Mikenzie Sturdevant and I have been married to my husband, Dallas Sturdevant, for just over four years. We met during junior college in Casper, WY in 2012 and have enjoyed our adventures together ever since. Growing up in Wyoming, we both enjoy the outdoors and spend our extra time in the mountains with our two dogs, Lex and Stella. Our tiny family has lived in several Wyoming and Colorado towns over the years for school and work. Although the winters can be brutal, we would entertain ourselves with snowshoeing and snowmobiling. In the summer, we would take the same snowshoeing trails with our mountain bikes. Despite our endless adventures, school has always been a prominent figure in our lives.

 I am a student doctor at Rocky Vista University College of Osteopathic Medicine in St George in Southern Utah. Dallas is also a student doctor at Idaho College of Osteopathic Medicine in Boise, ID, 639 miles away. Dallas and I have spent our entire relationship working towards our mutual goal of both becoming physicians. We supported one another through undergrad, taking the MCAT, filling out applications and interviews for school all while keeping our relationship in balance with our ambitions. Both of us were rejected our first year of applying and had to keep each other motivated to continue building our resumes for the next round. Our recent living situation has its struggles but what we have both found is this unique understanding and insight to what the other is going through. Although I would prefer to have us both at the same school, our relationship has actually grown stronger. We have learned to appreciate every second we manage to have together and make the most out of every conversation.

Speaking as a wife and medical student, medical school presents challenges that no one can dream to prepare for. The amount of information students are expected to learn, in a fraction of the time that seems possible, is indescribable. Not only is there the pressure to learn all of the content but to do so with competitive scores, maintaining contact with the outside world and remembering to eat. As a student, it’s completely overwhelming. As a wife, there are times where I feel like the other medical student in my life has forgotten me. I consider myself very lucky that I have insight into what he is going through. If I wasn’t also a student I can see how it would be easy to begin to feel like I was the mistress to his relationship with school. I don’t claim to have the solution to the tribulations that each couple faces but I have a theory of what might help a struggling spouse have insight on the challenges their student faces. I know that both ICOM and RVUCOM-SU allow for guests to sit in on lectures. I would recommend that if you are feeling set aside and would like to see a glimpse of content your student is undertaking, ask to attend a class with them. For me, I would struggle to understand all the time he puts into school without seeing it for myself. As a student, the additional time that a phone call requires might seem strenuous but for my relationship, it is absolutely necessary. Married students have to put in the extra time to maintain both sides of their world. I love Dallas more than anything in this world and at the end of the day; I would do whatever it took to keep our marriage alive. Dallas and I view ourselves as a team and we have set our goals as a couple. We both knew going into our marriage that we could end up at separate schools and although it’s not our first choice, I am unbelievably proud of his hard work and dedication. We do what we do for our tiny family and I look forward to the day that we can look back on this climb and smile.

I’ve had about 5 different ideas for a blog post lately and as I start writing them I realize they’re not long enough to justify their own post. So, here we go with a post about 5 little things.

The HappyLight

In my last post, I mentioned using a HappyLight to help combat the winter blues. I ordered a new one on Amazon after an extremely rough week. I don’t think I can put into words how much I love it! I have it on right now as I am writing. The brand is Verilux and the light itself is HappyLight Compact, it cost $35 but I got it on special for $30. It’s really a small investment to help save your sanity during the long winter months. If you end up getting one, let me know what you think about it!

Is it really that hard?

As I’ve been thinking about what to write I have started to worry that I am making this journey sound worse than it actually is. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard to be a med school spouse! But, as I sat at my kitchen counter this morning having breakfast with my husband I realized that really, it’s not THAT hard. I still see him each night for supper, we share a home, and if he really needed to he could drop what he was doing in an instant to help out.

One of my very best friends from college was just married last May and she and her husband are both in the National Guard. She was just deployed in December to Europe leaving her husband and their furbabies behind. As I follow her journey on Facebook I start to realize that that would be the real challenge. Standing up for our country and leaving everything behind to serve. It takes a lot to be a military family and I want to thank them all for what they do. Their journey is truly THAT hard.

Book Club

My tribe has started a book club! When I first presented the ideas to the girls I thought they would laugh at me but in reality, they were all on board and it’s awesome! We read one book a month and we just started after the holidays. Naturally, I was hosting so I suggested we read Crazy Rich Asians. I haven’t seen the movie yet but if it is as funny as the book I’m all in. Currently, we are reading Bird Box. While I haven’t started it, one of my girls said it’s a bit scary. So it’ll be interesting to see how I make it through this!

Taxes

What an adult and boring sounding blog? I’ll make it brief, many people don’t know this but the IRS is required to provide free software to people under a certain income. We qualify for it since Mitch is a full-time student and I highly recommend you check it out! Simply Google, “IRS free file” and it should take you to the IRS page with all of the different software options. Also, for my fellow ICOM spouses; we will not receive a 1098-T this year. Since the school is not eligible to receive federal funds in the form of financial aid we cannot claim the tuition on our taxes.

Gluten Free

Casa de Keena recently went gluten-free. Really, it’s a work in progress. We’re finding it to be easier than we imagined but a serious craving for a Costco muffin can really do a lot to a person. I did a TON of research before starting but I never thought I would get so sick of a protein and veggie meal every night. While I know that’s the healthiest route to go, I just can’t help but want more from my food. So, here’s my question for everyone reading this, what are your favorite gluten-free recipes? Drop them in the comments below!

End the rambling…

Ok, I will. If you have made it to this point in my post, thank you for reading! Sometimes I just need to let go of all the random thoughts floating around my head in hopes of starting something new.

I know what you’re thinking, this isn’t unique to med school spouses. But just hear me out.

My work schedule has me waking up at 4:30 AM (ok really my alarm goes off then but I definitely hit snooze), leaving my house by 6:10 AM, the school day starting at 7:39 AM (the moon is still up at this point, it’s totally dark), and leaving school around 5 PM when the sun is just starting to set behind me as I start my drive home. It wasn’t until I went outside to do after school duty a couple of weeks ago that I realized how much I had been missing the sun.

I grew up in North Dakota where the winter days are exceptionally short, dark and ungodly cold. But no matter where you’re from or how often you’ve experienced it there’s no way to trick your body into thinking it has gotten enough sunlight and vitamin D. As I stood outside that day it was like this wave of refreshing energy came over me. I suddenly realized that I had seriously been slacking on my work (totally unlike me, I love my job!), avoiding the usual weekend chores that I really don’t mind doing, and just felt like a gray blob overall. Alright, I’ll get to the point: here’s my list of the 6 best things you can do to help fight off the winter blues. They’re real, they suck, and we all deal with them.

Exercise

Let’s be honest this definitely isn’t my favorite one. That being said, it has the most impact so I deal and feel so much better for it! Mitch loves running 3 miles every day, (he’s one of those people) but that really isn’t my thing. So it’s often something easy and relaxing after a long day at work. YouTube has tons of yoga videos that are really good and can easily be done on the living room floor. Some days I just do a quick 12-minute full body stretch. It doesn’t get the heart really pumping but it’s definitely better than sitting on the couch watching Netflix.

Make Plans……to do things!

I know I’ve said this before but this time I mean actually doing things. Trust me, I’m the first one to suggest a happy hour after work. However, eating out and drinking that much each week certainly isn’t healthy. If you live in the Boise area there are TONS of things to do around the area to get you active. First of all, go for a hike! This area is beautiful. Or find a yoga class, hot yoga, cycling, etc. The list could go on forever. A quick Google search will help you find something to do!

Happy Lights

I used a happy light all through college and it was probably the greatest part of the winter. All it takes is 10 minutes a day of sitting in front of this magical light to help improve your mood. It’s really not magical……you can find them on Amazon for $35…….worth every penny!

Change up your food

I will be the first to admit, I suck at cooking. I mean, it’s really bad. I used to try and hide burnt food from Mitch on the deck until the dog started outing me. But, I’ve found that I feel much better after planning, preparing, and eating a healthy home cooked meal. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy but a simple change can do a lot! For me, there’s just something so satisfying about chopping fresh vegetables and creating a delicious meal from them!

Plan a trip

“Haha you’re so funny, my spouse is in medical school, remember?” Yeah, I remember. I also remember how great I felt after spending 4 hours in Phoenix with my sister the other weekend. We had breakfast outside (in January!!) and just soaked up the sun. Afterwards, I had to get on a plane to bone-chilling cold South Dakota. But, holy cow! Just the idea of how great I felt makes me feel a little better already! It doesn’t have to be a trip that happens in the winter. Sometimes just planning a trip and having something to look forward to is helpful. Does the trip have to happen? No, not really. I’m 100% guilty of planning out my dream trip to Europe (I’ll get to Germany eventually). I know it probably won’t happen for a few years but it gives me something to work towards. Sometimes all it takes is reminding yourself of what you want to do to help refresh your mood.

Keep your mind busy

I love to do puzzles. I also love to read (yeah book club!). Even though they’re activities I do on my own and in quiet I still think they help with my overall mood during the winter. Both activities keep my mind busy and keep me from staring at the TV/my phone for hours on end. I took a risk this fall and asked a group of 3 girls I kind of knew if they liked to read and if they might be interested in a book club. I was shocked at the responses! People love to read! Start the conversation, I’m sure you won’t be disappointed!

Get to the point Keena……..

Everyone. Experiences. Winter. Blues. If you say that you don’t, you’re probably lying. I know that this isn’t unique to med school spouses but let’s be honest, you already spend a good chunk of time by yourself and suddenly you find yourself in this funk and you have no idea why or what to do about it. It’s scary! If there’s one point I want you to remember out of this entire post (it’s long….thanks for sticking with me) it’s this, chances are we’ve all been there. The journey we’re on is so unique. I hope you find your person, your tribe, and your mentor. I hope you feel comfortable reaching out to anyone on your school’s spouse page. Even though we look like we have it all together, chances are we’re working through the same exact thing.

Take a chance and say hello to someone new. You never know what could happen!

Start to panic!! No, I’m just kidding. Don’t panic.

Finals week is hands down one of the loneliest weeks of being a med school spouse. So find your girls/guys and start planning your time together through the week.

Tips & Tricks to surviving finals week from Casa De Keena (we’re lame, that’s my nickname for my house)

1. Stock the house full of food. I mean it, all food. The students know it’s bad to eat so late at night but when it’s midnight and they still have 3 lectures to get through they will be reaching for a snack to keep them going. This also includes those energy drinks that smell like straight jet fuel. However, in the Keena house……these snacks are only kept around during finals week. After that, we try to cut down packaged snack food and keep ready to eat fruits and vegetables in the fridge.
2. Prepare high-quality dinners that can be eaten at home or in the library and make sure they’re ready at odd hours of the day. This has been one of the biggest things I’ve worked on since the first round of finals. Instead of constantly snacking all day prepare meals that are semi-healthy and can be eaten anywhere. Pack a lunchbox! Cut vegetables, prepare a protein, add some carbs and away they go. Though a little piece of chocolate never hurt anyone 🙂 If you can’t/don’t want to do a lunch box make dinner at home, package it up, and drive it over to the school. Your student will be happy to see your face and have a hot, delicious meal delivered right to them!
3. Be prepared to make their favorite dishes. During our first round of finals, I asked Mitch what he wanted and he listed off 3 things that his mom makes. Thank goodness she’s great about writing recipes down and it was just a few easy text messages to get those recipes. Mitch doesn’t know it yet but his Nana’s famous lemon dessert is on the menu for this week!
4. Keep the house clean. This might just be a Mitch thing but he can’t even attempt to study at home if the house is messy. I figure for one week I can make sure everything is cleaned up by the time he’s home.
5. Be prepared to not see your student. The other day, I didn’t see Mitch at all. I left for work before he woke up, I went to happy hour with a couple of girls after work and by the time I got home he had packed up his stuff and went to the library and to top it all off I was in bed sleeping by the time he came home that night. BUT, we knew that was coming. It stinks but honestly, it’s two weeks. I’d love to see him but since he’s only home for half an hour to an hour I would rather make plans to be out and about with my friends.
6. MAKE PLANS. MAKE ALLLLLLL THE PLANS and then be ready to cancel them in the off chance your student has some free time and wants to see you. But seriously, if staying late at work one day would help you get caught up-stay late! If there’s a new yoga class you want to try, go try it! Make plans with your friends to meet up for a happy hour or a wine night. Pick up that book you’ve been meaning to read or start a puzzle. Basically, find something that will keep you busy that you enjoy doing!

At the end of week, celebrate. You both made it. They studied their a** off and you worked your a** off to make sure they had nothing else to worry about. Go out for a nice dinner, go see the friends you may have neglected for the last week, or brew some beer (that’s a favorite at casa de Keena).

YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS! Good luck!

Let me set the scene for you:

• We had been married about 1 month when Christmas rolled around
• We were living in Blacksburg, Virginia
• Mitch was still a full time student
• I was working a job that paid $12.50 an hour.
• I love Christmas & decorating. 

We were broke. B.R.O.K.E. broke. We were planning on driving home as soon as I was finished with work for the semester. It was around December 21st and it was easily a 20 hour drive to Sioux Falls and then another 3 hours to Fargo. We weren’t going to waste any time traveling (and we had the dog) so we decided to drive through the night. Looking back now, we were crazy. 

The point is, we weren’t going to be in Virginia for Christmas. However, I insisted that we get a tree and decorations and make our home feel like it was ready for Christmas. At this point, I was the only source of income for our house but Mitch is the one that has better control of spending (I just want all the shoes, clothes and decorations!) When I brought the idea up to Mitch he pondered it for a hot second and then told me no. He wasn’t wrong to tell me no, remember, we were broke! 

If you know me at all you know I don’t take no for an answer…..ever. I can’t decide if it will help or hurt me in the long run–I guess we’ll see! I persisted until I got him to agree to a $50 budget for Christmas decorations. You bet I was looking for every coupon and sale possible! 1 week later I had spent all $50 on a tree, decorations, a tree skirt, lights, and a few other little decorations. 

The point of this post isn’t to tell you about my plea for a Christmas tree. Instead, I want to encourage you to make compromises and make sure your house feels like a HOME. Did you catch that? Your house needs to feel like a HOME! Sure, you might plan on being in this city for a couple years and moving as soon as you get the chance. But a couple years is a long time! It’ll go quick, there’s no doubting that, but you have 2 years in your home. 

Our townhouse in Virginia was nice but I hated the floors, counters, and layout. It’s all very trivial but they were things I would look at and feel like I wanted to change. So when we moved to Idaho I insisted that we find a place that we LOVE! Mitch and I love entertaining and I wanted to have a home where I felt good having company over. 

We gave up our dreams of a townhome in Idaho for an apartment. Let’s be real, it’s the two of us and Fitz, we don’t need a townhome. The difference is that I LOVE our apartment. It’s smaller and it’s on the 3rd floor (yeah we argue about who is taking the dog out). But we’ve made it our home. Here’s the funny part; I haven’t spent nearly as much money trying to decorate our apartment as I spent on our townhome. (Keep in mind we already have the Christmas tree!) 

I’m not sure how many times I can say this, your new city is your home, the place you choose to live for the next few years is your home. You need to be comfortable, you need to love it, you need to make sure it is right for you. Spend the extra $50 a month to get a home you love, buy that throw pillow, frame your pictures and make sure your house feels like a home. 

**Disclaimer: Mitch would like me to point out that this post is not meant to encourage people to spend an obscene amount of money on decorations.**

Growing up, all I wanted was to leave my hometown. I never did. I went to college there, my husband and I bought a house there, and we had both settled into our jobs for the long haul. We built our routine. My mother-in-law watched Liam while I worked and we had ample date nights thanks to her willingness to babysit. Life was steady, but it wasn’t enough for either of us. After some emotional up-and-downs, William had decided to finally pursue his original dream of going to medical school. With that, I saw a shining new opportunity to fulfill my own dream.

We all know how the next part goes. Apply, interview, acceptance. Looks like we’re moving to Idaho. Do not let this general statement fool you. I was 100%, unwaveringly, ready and willing to move to Idaho. I was FINALLY leaving. Even if it was just going to be for 4 years, it was a change of scenery. Trading the muddy Mississippi River for mountains; toasted ravioli for huckleberries. However, just like Newton’s third law (generally paraphrased), for every action, there is a reaction. Our action was relocating 1600 miles from home to a place with no family, friends, or support. The reaction: social isolation. I like to think of myself as a self-reliant person. I can trudge my own path, rely on no one, and have the confidence to support my decisions. Pride is a folly.

For the first two weeks in Meridian, I was over the moon. I was in love with the Boise area. Great food, tasty microbreweries, endless hiking trails in the foothills, etc. It was the three of us against the world. Once mid-August rolled around, William started school and I was getting comfortable in my four shifts a week nursing job. We began to build a routine again. This time, there was no mother-in-law to relieve us of our parenting duties for a date night. No friend’s house to go to for a little R&R. All these built-in social structures we had taken for granted back in St. Louis no longer existed. I didn’t realize how much I actually relied on them.

As time went on, interacting with only William and Liam was starting to drive me bonkers. A person needs friends. A person needs to drink wine with others. I started looking at a medical school spouse blogs and a recurring statement was “I’m so thankful for the other med school spouses. I wouldn’t have made it out sane without them.” I had my old friends of course, but none of them in the area and none of them knew what it was like having a significant other in medical school. I just wanted friends, but my pride told me “You’re fine. You’re strong enough for yourself.” It wasn’t until I was driving alone one weekend, everything came bubbling up to the surface. I just started bawling in my car. Alabama Shakes’ “Hold On” was playing, and I bawled harder at the verse “don’t know where I’m gonna go, don’t know what I’m gonna do, There must be someone up above sayin’. Come on Brittany, you got to get back up.” I cried into my steering wheel “Fuck I’m so lonely.” Just like Brittany, I needed to get back up. No one warns you about the social isolation that comes with relocating. I expected it to some extent, but you don’t realize what it actually feels like until it happens. I went home, told William how I felt and promptly cried right there in our living room.

Without friends, you feel an empty pit in your stomach. It is an emptiness which longs to be filled; it wants to connect to people. We are a social species, no matter what we try to tell ourselves. Luckily for me, William told me about gathering one of his med school friends was having. I was eager to go but that didn’t come without reservations. I would probably be the only one there with a kid. What if Liam acted poorly? What if they didn’t want to talk to me because I was the only mom there? You’re going to remain a social outcast while others make friends. Thankfully that was just my anxiety talking.  I went to the get-together and met great girls (like the creator of this blog!).

I’ll end this on advice. Find your tribe, even if anxiety tries to talk you out of it. We’re all drawn to each other in some way or another. Relocating is hard. There’s no reason to suffer in silence. Reach out to any of us. We’ll be glad to share a glass of wine. Or two. Fuck it, the whole bottle.

Yeah, you read that right! I’m talking about taking an errand that is done every week and is usually dreaded and turning it into something fun. Just hear me out……..

It was my 3rd week in Idaho. My father in law had returned to SD and Mitch had started school. I had finished orientation for the school district and was just working on getting my classroom set up. I only worked at school during the week so the weekends were still left with nothing to do. (Side note: Mitch has always been exceptionally social and that helped fill a good amount of time when school first started.)

At this point, I was going CRAZY hanging around my house. So that Saturday I decided I was going to find the grocery store in town that I liked. Sounds lame, right? I know, it kind of is. I made my list and headed out to find a grocery store. The first week I tried Albertsons, I wasn’t a fan of that one–it had a weird smell. 

The next weekend rolled around I decided to do the same thing. That day I decided to try a store called Fred Meyer (yeah, that’s the name). Naturally, I got lost along the way. I know, I have Google Maps but sometimes I just can’t help it! I ended up finding the cutest coffee place, The Human Bean! It certainly gives Starbucks a run for its money and the little drive-throughs are just so cute!

Ok, so score 1 for that Saturday. I finally made it to Fred Meyer which I have learned is the west coast version of Kroger. For some odd reason, this store is half grocery store and half department store. I’m not even kidding. You can grab what you need for dinner and then take your cart over to the other side of the store and buy a new pair of Nikes. I promise you if anyone ever comes to Meridian to visit I will take you to Fred Meyer. Score 2 for that Saturday.

After my adventures around Fred Meyer, I remembered that I wanted to find the local library and sign up for a library card. I looked up the address on Google and I was determined I would find my own way there. HA! There’s a street in Meridian that is “Fairview” on one side of town and “Cherry Lane” on the other side of town. Of course, the library is on Cherry Lane, I was on the Fairview side and I couldn’t find it to save my life. Eventually, I gave in and followed Google Maps to my destination. 

Side note; I LOVE reading and libraries. I was so excited I picked out 4 books and headed home. 

I know, I know, I’ll get to the point. Here it is, I took 1 boring task and turned it into an adventure around my new home. While going to the grocery store I found a cute coffee shop, the library and I also discovered the best breakfast place that I visited the following morning. 

Not only did running that errand help me explore my new city but it also forced me to get out of my house for a few hours. I didn’t realize how I much I needed that until I got home later. It was so nice to feel like I had actually done something.